Birth, Baby!

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Welcome, this is Birth, Baby!

Your hosts are Ciarra Morgan and Samantha Kelly.

Ciarra is a birth doula, hypnobirthing educator, and pediatric sleep consultant.

Samantha is a birth doula, childbirth educator, and lactation counselor.

Join us as we guide you through your options for your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum journey.

Welcome to the Father's Day episode of the Birth, Baby!

Podcast.

We have our husbands here today.

So, okay, I have a question, Samantha.

Did you even tell David why he's here yet?

I don't think I did.

I think I just said, we're doing a Father's Day episode and you're coming on, and that was pretty much the end of the story.

Okay, so me too.

And Kyle didn't even ask what we're talking about.

Yeah, I don't think I got any questions.

Well, welcome, men.

Welcome to the show.

Have I ever prepared for anything?

I feel pretty good about this.

Whatever happens on the fly is probably better than whatever I would have prepared.

So.

Well, y'all buckle up for about 30 minutes of chaos.

So it's going to be a good time.

Here on the Birth, Baby!

Podcast.

Cool.

So let me just-

We get a short bonus episode.

Type our link, Kyle.

That's all they can handle of us.

We got to rein in the crazy for our listeners.

Okay, so for those of you listening, David is Samantha's husband.

Kyle is my husband.

And Men, we are here to quiz you today about your wives' jobs.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

They are not surprised.

Good.

I'm pretty sure that if we're placing bets here, I think that my guy's got the one up here, so.

I've got my money on him too.

You know what?

That really just sets me up for failure.

Because now the expectation is I'm gonna win.

And if I win, it's like, well, you met the expectation.

But if I lose, then it's like a big deal.

We don't get really proud of you, Kyle, like we wouldn't be.

We're gonna do our best.

We're gonna do our best, guys.

There's no participation awards here though, okay?

Like the man who wins is the birth king.

The birth king.

Is the birth king?

Yeah, yes.

You can have it.

Now Kyle doesn't want it.

All right, well, we're gonna start with our questions and Samantha's gonna start us off.

Okay, so we have some multiple choice questions here.

So don't answer the question until you hear the choices.

And then we'll just, you'll both get a chance to answer, okay?

So question number one.

Transition usually lasts, A, four days, B, one to two hours, or C, five minutes or less?

They're pretty thin songs first.

So I don't, it's not four days.

That would be miserable.

I remember Transition during your births, and that was not a pleasant experience to watch.

I don't know for everybody.

It was not pleasant.

It was great.

It was great.

It was beautiful, but it was not pleasant.

But four days of it sounds awful.

So it's not A.

You're helping Kyle too much here.

You both have to answer.

You can't just weed things out.

You're going to make Kyle win.

Can you use it in a sentence?

What is his country of origin?

Transition happened in labor.

That's your sentence.

I still don't know.

The middle one, B.

Very good.

Kyle, you get the point here.

Congratulations.

All right.

All right.

Question number two.

You're going to love this one, Kyle.

Kyle loves this word.

Most women lose or birthing people lose their mucus plug.

He's really excited.

In the first trimester.

During early labor.

During transition.

Or D.

After delivering the placenta.

Kyle being that you didn't get to answer the last time, you get to answer this time first.

Kyle says C.

During transition.

Yes.

David.

I feel pretty confident Kyle is wrong.

I think it is B.

David gets the point.

All tied up here in the Birth King Awards.

The amount of mucus plugs that I've seen pictures of without any context or warning is way more than I ever wanted to.

Turn off your wife's phone.

Let me be clear.

I'm not showing pictures for my clients.

I'm not just like, hey, look at this mucus plug that my client just sent me.

No, no, no.

We can have a conversation about that.

There's no identifying information.

And also it's usually from Google.

And it's usually just to see if she can gross me out.

Which she does.

That is true.

I do enjoy that.

It's a fun, fun evening activity in our house.

Kyle likes to just ignore that I have the job that I have and doesn't even want to be near me while I'm on the phone with clients.

He thinks my job is gross, except he owns a pest control company and deals with rats and stuff.

Kyle, tell us a little bit about your day to day here.

I will send pictures of cute trapped animals to Ciarra, but do I send you pictures of the dead rats that have been in the attic for a week?

No, you don't.

And I appreciate that from you.

You also don't have to see pictures of mucus plugs.

I've never shown you a picture.

We're both winning at life.

I always say Kyle would never check my phone.

Yeah, I don't know either.

We have different phones.

We're a house divided between Apple products and Samsung.

That does make it easy.

Samantha, your turn.

Number three, Braxton Hicks contractions mean that you are going into early labor.

True or false?

Do I have to go first?

Yeah, sure do.

False.

Those are the fake ones.

So false.

Good, good, good.

You were both correct.

No points for everyone.

Points for everyone.

When they talk to clients and they talk about Brecht's and Hicks, that's how they say it.

They just go, those are the fake ones.

Pretty deadpan.

I'm concerned that they use the word contractions.

We know which one has the hypno-birthing wife.

You pay attention a little bit.

Not to most things.

All right, next question.

We're all so proud.

Active labor begins when your water breaks.

True or false?

Kyle.

False.

Because I've heard you tell people stuff that contradicts that.

David.

He was pretty sure of himself.

I'm going to say false.

I think I would have said false anyways, but...

You are both correct.

I think that helped.

You guys are correct.

And that's boring that you're both correct.

So moving on.

Mm-hmm.

Number five.

What happens during the third stage of labor?

A, your water breaks.

B, you deliver the baby.

C, you deliver the placenta.

Or D, you dilate from four to ten centimeters.

I'll read through those again for you because there was a lot of options and words.

So A, your water breaks.

B, you deliver the baby.

C, you deliver the placenta.

Or D, you dilate from four to ten centimeters.

And you said third stage?

Third stage of labor.

Yep.

How many stages are there?

That's a really great question.

That's the next question.

No, it's not.

But if there are four stages, then...

Are we saying there's four?

I'm just saying, if they pick three stages, then the third one would be the baby.

But...

Placenta would be last?

Yep.

But I don't think there's four stages.

This is so much fun.

I don't even care if our listeners like it.

I'm going to say there's three and it's the placenta one.

So I'm going to see.

Nice.

Because it's my least favorite.

Yeah, I'm going to go...

I'm going to zag from his zig and say it is the baby.

Kyle, the point goes to you.

Look, I gave you that false info that fed you.

It really did.

There are four stages.

I have no idea.

But the third stage...

Well, yeah, but they call them four stages.

And you're right.

It's kind of the last one because the fourth stage is really just the hour after the baby is born.

After the placenta is born.

You're welcome.

You did great.

You accidentally did great.

Can you go through the first ones for me, though?

The first stage of labor.

We're on another podcast where I want to know.

Zero to ten centimeters is the first stage.

The second stage is ten centimeters until the baby's out.

And the third stage is the delivery of the placenta.

Baby out to placenta out.

What's fourth stage?

The hour after that.

That's the fourth stage of labor?

Yeah, that's why your wife said kind of.

That's kind of a fourth stage.

Yeah, but that's what they call it.

It's the transitional baby coming into the world phase.

That does seem like a trick question meant to trip me and Kyle up specifically.

Talk to HR.

All right, next question.

Signs of early labor include A, regular menstrual cramps, B, a dull backache, C, discomfort in the upper thighs, D, diarrhea or loose stools, or E, all of these.

Kyle Morgan, you're up.

This is the only one with an E also.

Do you know that this man did terrible at homework because he wouldn't do his homework, but he aces all of his tests?

I don't answer that question.

I answer the questioner.

It's part of a psychology game for me.

David, this is just reading the people.

I'm not playing cards against humanity here.

Yeah, I also say all.

Yes, E is the answer.

You are both correct.

Thank you.

Moving on.

Wait, can we get a score check?

I'm not giving you points for ties because that's lame.

So Kyle's winning with two points and David has won.

Get one more.

We can tie.

Step it up, guys.

Let's go.

All right here.

Number seven.

Early labor lasts for no more than five hours.

True or false?

David, you're up first.

That would be false, Alex.

He doesn't even know his own wife's name.

That's weird.

That is weird.

You don't even know Jeopardy.

That's weird.

Not the Saturday Night Live Jeopardy going in my head.

I think I should put this on there right now.

I'm just going opposite of him.

You're going opposite of him?

I'm severely disappointed right now.

We have clients, you guys, those of you listening.

We have had three babies in just over a week.

And we've had some of them be in early labor for days.

But my husband is choosing to say it's true that it lasts less than five hours.

I could have been Braxton Hicks before that.

You just didn't know.

Yeah, I don't know if you know this, but those are the fake ones.

Yes.

We're going to start our own podcast about this.

Wrong answers only.

Oh, that would be a great name for our podcast.

Or wrong answers only.

We'll be looking for this in our Patreon moving forward, friends.

But we're tied up now.

Let's just answer the same thing from here on out.

Nice.

I like that.

The average length of labor for a first time mom is A, 12 to 24 hours, B, 4 to 6 hours, or C, 48 to 72 hours?

You gave us three?

12 to 24, 4 to 6, or 48 to 72?

Who's going first?

You.

No, 12 to 24.

Okay, David.

You said active labor?

No, I just said the average length of labor for a first time mom.

12 to 24, 4 to 6, or 48 to 72?

What was the second one?

4 to 6.

And Kyle, you said A.

You both win that point.

Which means you both lose.

Yeah, you both are losers.

It's about on average how long you're gone.

That can only be one king, friends.

On average, how long their wives are gone is what they're going off of.

I love it.

How long do I have to stay with the kids by myself?

That's how long labor is.

I'm sorry.

If you are staying with the kids by yourself when your wife is a neighbor, we have another conversation coming.

All right, here we go.

Samantha, you're up.

Number nine.

Your midwife will say the baby is fully engaged when A.

His head is down.

Her head is low and pressing on your cervix.

His head is visible or D.

Her head is out.

Your midwife will say the baby is fully engaged when one of those things.

David, you're up first.

What was the first one?

It was like head is down.

I think it's B.

When it's like pressing against the cervix.

Is that what you said?

That is what I said.

Nice.

Kyle, what you got?

That is exactly what I was thinking too.

Just sounds like it's ready to go.

Just baby's engaged, fire away.

Let's get that thing out of there.

Yeah.

You're doing great, guys.

That's both of you are correct again.

Which means you're both wrong.

You both suck.

Man.

Can't all be doodles.

Right.

I know.

We're saying.

Pretty good at this.

A doodle.

The next two doodles are upcoming here.

The onset of active labor is characterized by A, needing coping strategies for contractions, waves.

B, your water breaking.

Or C, full dilation.

The onset of active labor is characterized by needing coping strategies for contractions, your water breaking, or full dilation.

Kyle Morgan.

A, final answer.

All right.

David.

And it was active labor?

Yep.

The onset of active labor.

We're going to have to edit out a lot of dead air because of David Kelly.

He's a very big thinker.

I just need to make sure.

I'm trying my hardest.

You guys said the winner gets king of...

What was that?

King of birth.

King of birth.

King of babies.

King of the babies.

That's right.

I'm going to say B.

Sorry, Kyle.

I went against our pact.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Well, Kyle's glad that you did because Kyle's correct and you're incorrect.

That is true.

All right, number 11.

You know it's time to go to the hospital or birth center when A, you begin to have contractions, B, you're fully effaced, C, contractions are consistently four minutes apart, last for one full minute or in that pattern for one hour.

That's C.

What was A and B?

You can just say real quick.

You begin to have contractions is A, B is you're fully effaced, and C is contractions are consistent for one basically.

Yeah, that's C.

He knows that A is against the rules.

Wait, wait, wait.

Bonus question.

Define fully effaced.

Oh my gosh.

Are you so excited for the next question, David Kelly?

Because number 12 is, I just ruined it.

The thinning and softening of the cervix is called A, effacement, or as your wife likes to say, effacement, B, dilation, or C, oxytocin.

Yeah.

I mean, everyone knows that the thinning and the softening is called effacement.

Everyone knows that.

That's basic knowledge.

Yeah.

Excellent.

All right.

13.

You both tied, and that's boring.

How many are there?

We're getting there.

20 questions.

All right.

Dilation is measured in percentages, centimeters, or inches.

A, percentages, B, centimeters, or C, inches.

Everything in the hospital is metric.

It's going to be centimeters.

Yeah.

It's totally centimeters.

Totally.

Totally.

No points.

No points.

I love how you've made it a negative thing.

I feel like we're doing pretty good.

Yeah.

Transition is when you're almost fully dilated.

B, I know I didn't say A, but that's A.

B, contractions are at their peak.

C, the baby is descending into the pelvis.

Or D, all of these.

Kyle Morgan.

I like all of them.

First, what was A?

A is you're almost fully dilated.

B, contractions are at their peak.

All those things go together.

I'm going with everything and all the above.

Okay.

How about you, David?

I would agree that all of the above would be the answer.

No points.

No points because we both got it wrong or because we both got it right?

We both got it right.

Everybody's a winner, which means everybody's a loser in our game of Birth, Baby!

quiz.

I want to remember this at the next King of the Babies.

Alright, number 15.

Non-physical signs of transition typically include A.

Feeling helpless or out of control.

Feeling or saying you can't do it anymore.

Feeling anger or fear.

Or D.

Any of these things.

We got two kids and I think we've hit two of those things at least.

So I'm going to have to say any of these.

I'm going along.

You know, I love the all-inclusive answers.

Winners are losers.

Number 16.

The pushing stage of labor on average lasts A.

Less than 15 minutes.

15 minutes to 3 hours.

Or C.

4 to 6 hours.

Kyle Morgan.

He's going through his Rolodex of what happened at my birth.

Yeah, yeah.

Give you a little thinking time.

Yeah, for sure.

Let's see.

It's good.

You want to know why?

Because I think that people aren't here to find out if we're the birth king or not.

They're here to get to know who the crazy people are that married these two hosts.

And so I don't think people care quite as much about our point total as much as like who we are.

You know?

Yeah.

They've clearly gotten that wrong.

Nobody cares anything about you.

They just want to know who's the winner.

Well, you can catch us on Dems the Fake Ones.

I think 15 would be awesome, but I think it sounds fast and the other one sounds way too long.

So I'm going right smack in the middle with the B.

David Kelly.

I spent a long time talking before and forgot the answers.

Here's the thing.

I don't want to know the answers.

I just want to guess.

We're going to go.

We're going to go see.

You're wrong.

You finally lost the point.

How long did it take for me to push our children out, David Kyle?

Did you just call him David Kyle?

I did.

Your middle name is my husband's name.

Your middle name is my first name too.

Have we not talked about that?

We should talk about that sometime.

I mean, we can talk about it here, but I don't think people care about it.

So Kyle, David.

So it's really weird.

No, that's not.

Crowning is when A, your baby's head starts to emerge.

B, the baby descends into the pelvis.

Or C, the baby's head is out.

I learned this one on Ace Ventura.

Where most people learn about birth.

It's when you can see the head.

So which number letter was that?

I don't remember.

A, your baby's head starts to emerge.

B, the baby descends into the pelvis.

Or C, the baby's head is out.

No points.

The rhino.

The rhino.

Oh, my God.

Thank you for the visual, honey.

You're welcome.

Number 18, once the baby is out, your contractions will stop.

True or false?

Kyle Morgan.

False because other stuff comes out after.

And it's got to keep working.

Did it out.

Yep.

Kyle's right.

Do you love that he said other stuff?

Because this man hates placentas.

It's true.

Tell me why, Kyle.

No, maybe your wife can show you some pictures.

You ever come home to a placenta in your freezer before?

Yes.

Only one time or two times.

It's only the fifth.

I'll just start unplugging.

No, you're not unplugging freezers.

Number 19.

The hormone that brings on contractions is called A, estrogen, B, cortisol, C, oxytocin, or D, adrenaline.

Hormone that brings on contractions.

Is it me?

I think it's oxytocin.

Was the last one cortisol?

No.

Last one was adrenaline.

Adrenaline.

D is cortisol.

Adrenaline.

Oxy.

No points for all and points for no one.

No.

20.

If you got that wrong, I was going to make you sleep in the room that I'm in that has a bed that has stuff all over it.

No.

20.

The delivery of the placenta usually takes A, two to three minutes, B, five to 20 minutes, or C, one to two hours.

Kyle Morgan.

What was the first one?

Two to three minutes.

Two to three.

Five to 20 minutes, or one to two hours.

What about one to five?

One to five?

That's not an option.

Stop making stuff up.

The delivery of the placenta usually takes A, two to three, B, five to 20, or C, one to two hours.

Hey, you don't know.

We might know something you don't know.

Let's rewrite the questions, Kyle.

Exactly.

I'm still going right down the middle of the road and I'm going B.

And no points.

All right.

Let's go see how many they got.

Do we need tiebreakers or not?

No points.

We're tiebreaking.

You both got it right.

We don't need a tiebreaker.

You don't need a tiebreaker because there is a clear winner in this game.

Kyle did win, which means David is disowned as my husband.

And a huge disappointment.

I got room for it.

Thoroughly embarrassing.

I'm not the baby king.

I am just one of the babies.

A big man, baby.

Long live the king.

These have options, they're tiebreakers, but I kind of just want to know if you know them.

Both of you can just shout out or you could to buzz in or something with your voices.

Yes.

What does V back stand for?

Vaginal birth after cesarean.

Oh, he and.

Go ahead, Kyle.

What is prodromal labor?

I heard you say that.

Dims the fake ones.

I will.

Kind of.

I feel like it's a virgin, because you've been saying, this person's been in prodromal labor for four years, something.

We have had so many of those.

Yeah.

I've heard you say it a lot lately, and it just lasts forever, but nothing comes from it.

So that's my description of it.

Kind of, yeah, you're close.

That's pretty good.

Oh, sure.

I mean, if a baby is in an OP position, what does that mean?

Something posterior.

I was just thinking like original something.

Like original gangster, but not original person.

But what does it mean?

Like which way is the baby facing?

It's sunny side up, right?

Yes.

That's so good.

You get to sleep in your own bed tonight.

You can talk.

I'll allow it.

Thank you.

You guys, David listens to our podcast.

Kyle, not so much.

But you know how supportive he is?

He wants it to look like he did.

So he goes and he puts it on and he just silences it and puts it on extra speed.

So it gets through it faster.

Sometimes, sometimes, sometimes I actually need to listen to it because I just need to hear my wife's voice.

Yeah, because she's gone for a couple of days.

I just wanted to remember what her voice sounded like.

Now, bring us to our next topic of conversation here on the podcast.

So we wanted, you know, we have weird jobs and we wanted to hear what you guys kind of thought about them.

So our first question here is, when you heard that we were going to be a doula, how long did you think this would last?

And did you think this would be like a short term thing, or did you think that we would make it into careers?

Honest answers only.

There's no couch threatening happening here today.

Knowing Ciarra, I knew like she's going to stick with it.

It's just what she does.

The question is to what extent is she going to stick with it too?

Did I know there was going to be a team of doulas and podcasts and partners and academies and everything?

I could not have ever guessed that, but I like that she's not at eight to five anymore.

I get really mad at it sometimes, but for the most part it's good.

When it turns five to eight, it's a little bit different.

Yeah, I'm trying to go to work and I have two kids at home and trying to figure out what we're doing with these kids.

We're asking about that later.

We just wanted to know how long you thought it would be.

No natural progression of conversation.

David, your turn.

Yeah, I mean, same thing.

When she brought it up, I don't know, Sam is incredibly passionate and just has a heart for people.

And as soon as I saw kind of the twinkle in her eye, you kind of had an idea that this was going to be around for a while.

Similar to Kyle, didn't know the extent.

It was more than I bargained for, but it's also the coolest thing I've ever had a front row seat too.

Your husband's so sweet.

We have good ones.

You're so nice.

You're gonna move over there.

Yeah.

You didn't tell me we were allowed to have that.

Beverages.

It was part of the deal for me showing up.

So, you kind of touched on it, Kyle, but what is your least favorite part about y'all's wives being doulas?

On call.

Can you schedule the babies?

Better?

No, we're against that.

No.

I have a whole podcast about it.

You should give it a listen.

I put it on 2X.

I put it on 3X.

Let's be an Apple thing.

I had a new speed created just so I could zoom through these podcasts.

Yeah, definitely an on-call schedule.

Definitely overnight births.

Sam has a ringtone for all of her clients where it rings through.

It's a specific ringtone.

And when I hear it out in the wild, I kind of have a traumatic response to it.

Same.

It'll be somebody next to me who has the same ringtone.

And I'm just like, when I hear it, I look at them and I'm like, oh, you're going to the first part of you.

So the overnight births are the hardest part.

I don't even hear it all the time.

I'm a deep, deep sleeper.

And I've gotten up and gotten ready for work and almost left for work without realizing she was gone as well.

Ciarra, I'm a person.

This is the first time hearing.

Yeah, that would be nice.

When your teenager calls you one day and is like, everybody's gone.

What is happening?

Exactly.

That's excellent.

And then the flip side of that, what's your favorite thing about us being do-less?

I don't know.

I mean, it's super interesting.

I sometimes say that like your job is actually the most interesting thing about me.

He does say that.

It's awesome.

I do say that.

Because I'll lead with that in conversation.

People will ask what I do.

And I'm like, I work a nine to five, a business job in sales.

But my wife, on the other hand, is crazy.

Deflection, is that what you mean?

Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

A little pivot.

Not terrible.

Favorite thing has to be the partnership part of this because it actually gives you guys freedom, where we were never able to do anything.

We couldn't even go like a movie together.

We'd have to drive separate in case you got called out.

So yeah, the whole partnership actually makes that all great.

And then just seeing, I mean, Ciarra was doing office stuff before, and as much as she liked her coworkers, it wasn't a fulfilling job.

And this one, Ciarra learning a lot more and being a lot happier with everything.

And there's times where it gets to her a bit, but overall, I think she enjoys it and is passionate about it and loves what she's doing.

So happy to see her happy doing that.

That's the only nice thing I'm going to say this year.

So.

That was it.

You got to record it.

I can listen to it whenever I want.

I love it.

Well, thank you guys so much.

I know this is totally out of y'all's comfort zone, especially Kyle's comfort zone.

David's like, you know, in theater.

Whatever, David does like theater.

He's totally fine with this.

Kyle's like, oh my God, what is she gonna do?

But we do appreciate.

Most of my theater is exactly like this.

Yeah, for sure.

We appreciate y'all coming on.

And also we appreciate that you guys allow us to do this work because truly, don't be holding your finger up at me, because truly we wouldn't be able to do this work if we didn't have the support of our partners.

Okay, go ahead, David Gray.

Okay, my last thing is, Kyle, does your wife have like a catchphrase that she says on the phone sometimes?

It seems illicit.

When she's on the phone with like clients, is there ever a catchphrase that you're just like, you would never say that in normal life?

I've got one like on the tip of my tongue.

Let's hear yours.

I can't think of one.

Okay, I like two in the morning, no matter what, like whenever she gets a call, it's always, let's have a birthday party.

Awesome.

Always.

And I love it.

I think it's really cute, but it also makes me laugh at two in the morning.

Yeah.

I just told you that Kyle walks away when I'm on the phone because he doesn't want to hear any details about any questions I'm going to be asking.

And so he probably doesn't hear much.

To be fair, I do that in all phone calls, including my own.

I don't like your e-phone calls.

That's true.

I think if I had to guess what you were going to say about Samantha's catchphrase, it'd be, have you done the balances?

Because she's always asking.

He kicks me out by then.

Yeah, I don't listen to the substance.

I only listen for catchphrases that I can brand.

Let's have a birthday party is super brandable and I can put that on a T-shirt.

I should get that on a T-shirt.

I should get that on a T-shirt.

I could do that.

I love it.

Love it.

All right, well, we're going to let you guys be free.

And we thank you for helping us do this dang thing and helping taking care of our kids and letting us nap when we need to, because we have babies come in.

So now everybody knows our husbands a little bit and you can see maybe why we're a little bit wild because our husbands are a little bit wild.

And now we have a 2024 birth baby king, which is Ciarra Morgan.

So tune in to, I don't know, whenever we drag them back on in 2025 to see who's going to be the winner then.

Maybe they'll study.

Maybe we'll give them some more challenging work.

I think we could do some good work.

All right.

Thank you for joining us on Birth, Baby!

Thanks again to Longing for Orpheus for our music.

You can look him up on Spotify.

Remember to leave a review, share and follow wherever you get your podcasts.

See you next week.