Birth, Baby!

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Welcome, this is Birth, Baby.

Your hosts are Ciarra Morgan and Samantha Kelly.

Ciarra is a Birth Dula, Hypnobirthing Educator, and Pediatric Sleep Consultant.

Samantha is a Birth Dula, Childbirth Educator, and Lactation Counselor.

Join us as we guide you through your options for your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum maturing.

Hello, everyone.

Today we have with us Courtney, who is actually one of the birth doulas on our team.

And if you're on YouTube, you get to see that she's actually in the room with me today, which we don't have very often.

So, Courtney, hi.

She's here to tell us a little bit about her birth story and her journey to getting pregnant.

So why don't you start off with telling us a little bit about, yeah, your journey to getting pregnant.

What was that like?

Yeah, it was definitely a process.

So we knew when we got married that we wanted to have a baby, like pretty much immediately.

We talked about kids, like from the moment we met, like we just, we knew that we were gonna have a baby soon after we got married.

So I had been told that I had PCOS a while before.

And so we made an appointment with the OB just to kind of talk about that.

And if trying to have a baby would look differently, and she talked about doing Clomid for me, but first she wanted my husband to be tested to make sure everything was good on his end before putting my body through any stress.

And so, you know, we're like, okay, great.

So got him tested and then got a phone call from the OB, I think like three days later.

And she said, so it looks like you're gonna have to do IVF.

And I'm like, whoa.

That's a jump.

Yeah, I'm like, back up a little bit here because how did we go from Clomid to now IVF?

Like, what do you mean?

And she said his sperm count was really low.

And so I'm like, okay.

And so I called my husband and he, I should have not done this, but he was at the grocery store.

I was like, hey, let me know when you get back in the car because I got the test results back.

And he's like, no, just tell me now.

I'm like, you're in the middle of an HEB and you sure you want me to tell you right now?

And I did.

He said he just like dropped everything and went to the car.

So that was definitely a big hit.

It was really shocking.

So we made an appointment with a fertility doctor and did another test.

And sure enough, he had severely low count motility and morphology were really bad too.

So that means that the sperm were really slow and a lot of them were deformed.

So it wasn't even straight to IVF, it was IVF with ICSI, which that means that they will take individual sperm from the sample and physically inject it into the egg.

Or make sure the right one gets in.

Yes, where typically if you just do regular IVF, they put the egg in the dish with a bunch of sperm and it's basically what would happen within your body where survival of the fittest, the best one gets into the egg and all is good.

But he had so few good sperm that they had to pick one out and inject it in.

I have a backup question to the beginning.

So you went in because you knew it might be hard for you to get pregnant, but you hadn't been trying to get pregnant yet?

Or was there a period of time?

No.

I just wanted to see like should, cause I had been told PCOS and I'm like, should we even be trying?

But the thing is I had not even been on birth control for over a year at that point anyways.

And she was like, you would have gotten pregnant by now.

So.

Right.

Okay.

So it was kind of a combination.

You're like, I know that I'm probably gonna have an issue.

So I'm gonna be proactive here, but also maybe I have an idea that there might be something going on.

But the thing is, so once we figured out we had to do IVF, I did like a deep dive into how do we optimize this process.

And I actually, when we kind of started everything, because IVF is expensive, okay?

It is nauseatingly expensive.

So there was a time we had to save up.

We moved in with my parents to be able to pay for it.

And so I had time to optimize everything.

I read the book.

What is it called?

It starts with the egg, is the name of the book.

So it lists out supplements to take to optimize your egg health and everything like that.

And when I went in for my initial blood work and my ultrasounds, everything was perfect.

I had been doing like an animal-based carnivore type diet and I reversed PCOS essentially doing that for like six months.

So on my end, everything looked perfect, which was great.

But yeah, it was just, IVF was rough, you know?

It's not what you think is gonna happen when you go to start trying to have a baby.

So it was a lot to process.

And man, it is such a waiting game.

Like it's, you're always waiting for something, waiting for test results, you know, waiting for your cycle to start.

Like it's just, the only thing you can really do is take care of your body and take care of your health and everything else is out of your hands, which is hard, you know, to not feel like you have control over anything.

But we ended up with 18 eggs when I did my egg retrieval, which was pretty good.

15 were fertilized and then they check them every day.

And by day five, I had five embryos total, which was pretty good.

We chose to do the genetic testing, the PGT, where they basically take one cell out of each embryo on day five, right before they freeze them and send it off to make sure genetically everything was okay.

And I actually got to figure out the genders, which was pretty cool.

Real quick, does it blow anyone else's mind?

Like, if you think about that, the science behind that, they took out one cell from that.

Like, is that wild to wrap your mind around?

You're like, you're a sweet little girl.

How she got here is just amazing.

It's crazy, yeah.

And how old were you at this time?

I was 27.

And how old was your husband?

He was 30, 31.

See, I think that's a really important piece because a lot of people think, oh, you have these issues or whatever when you're old, right?

Like, oh, if I am a quote unquote geriatric pregnancy or whatever, like maybe I'll have these issues.

Nobody expects in their 20s, early 30s to be facing the fact that one or both of you have something that's gonna prevent spontaneous pregnancy.

And so I'm sure that that, you knew you had something that might make it more difficult, but having it be to that scale and needing all of those extra tests, not just IVF, you need all of those other tests makes it just so much more and I'm sure more expensive.

Oh, so it was great, great.

I love spending all that money.

But you know, looking back, I was much less like holistically minded, I guess back then.

And honestly, I think there are things we could have tried before going straight to IVF.

You know, there's like fertility acupuncture and you know, we could have met with a holistic doctor who could have walked us through a diet plan and supplement plan and all of that stuff that potentially could have helped.

So people out there, if your OB says straight to IVF, there may be other options out there if you're open to trying them, you know, that could be the case where you need to go straight to IVF.

But you know, I'll always wonder, are there other things we could have done that we could have had a baby?

This is not the same.

This is not the same, but I'm gonna relate it because this is where it just went in my mind.

Like my son needed his tonsils out and my daughter had needed her tonsils out too in their seven and a half years apart.

So it was very long time that I was going through this again.

And somebody told me, you know, if you cut dairy and gluten, your child might have their tonsils might be like inflamed because of that and actually they would be fine and they wouldn't need their tonsils out if you would do all of that.

But like when you look into how much time that takes, and this is on a much smaller scale in a completely different situation, but it's still gonna take a lot of time for us to figure out if that actually worked and whatever.

And I'm like, I just want my baby to be better.

He's like snoring when he sleeps.

He's so tired all the time.

Forget it, like get the tonsils out.

As naturally minded I was like to think I am, I was like, surgery.

So in the case of wanting to become pregnant, it's like, sure, I have all these things I could do, but it might take me years.

Yeah, and some people are going through this when they're older.

They're like, I don't have two years to really try to get my body or however long it may take to get my body back on track to see if that might work with that guarantee, right?

So that's definitely part of the game of the decision-making.

But it's good to know there are options, things to try if you want to, if you want to take the time to navigate all these other paths, but yeah.

So we ended up with five embryos when we got the genetic testing back.

One was abnormal, which means if we had implanted that embryo, it would either not implant at all or I would miscarry.

And then one of them is mosaic abnormal, which means it could be normal, could not.

I guess there's like layers of DNA.

Honestly, it's really, the way they explained it is difficult.

It would need to be retested.

But they did say of other couples, mosaic embryos that they have used, I think they said two out of five that they've done, I've ended up fine.

So I don't know.

But we had three normal and it was two boys and a girl.

So we implanted a boy first and then unfortunately that one did not take, which was really tough.

I mean, it's like, especially once my period started after that, I'm like, oh, there's a $5,000 period right there.

Yeah.

So that was rough.

And then our only girl, I was like, I'm going to do all the things because this is our only chance at a girl.

Like this, I'm especially spending all this money again.

So I ended up doing acupuncture throughout the entire process and it worked.

Which acupuncture is a trip, let me tell you.

I was not expecting the weird things that happen when you're in an acupuncture session.

But it was really cool.

Yeah, so she worked and it was a great pregnancy with her.

Everything was perfect.

I was with an OB originally.

And at that point, I was down this path of transforming my life in a very holistic way.

And I was toying around with the idea of working with a birth center versus the OB.

So I was kind of feeling things out and one of my first appointments with the OB, I asked her if I could have another option besides the drink for the glucose test.

Because I'm like, I'm not drinking.

I'm not going to drink that.

And she sighed and rolled her eyes and said, when we get there, we'll talk about that.

I'm like, okay.

So you're pushing back on that, then what are you going to do?

What I'm actually in labor, so I'm like, okay, well, bye.

And that day I reached out to the birth center and immediately started care with them.

And it was magical.

I loved working with them.

Pregnancy was pretty easy overall.

Of course, I had like the nausea up until about 15 weeks or so.

And then that went away and everything was perfect.

That's awesome.

They suggested, the midwives, that I have a doula for the birth.

And my husband, bless him, was like, no, I got this.

I really, I did not have knowledge on having a doula.

I was obviously not a doula then.

And he feared that having a doula would interfere with him, supporting me.

And he is so involved.

He's very involved.

This wasn't a control thing.

This was like a heart-centered, I wanna be the one.

I wanna be your support.

Knowing him, I know that that is where his...

And he, you know, he did all the homework, did all the things.

And so, he did not have a doula.

And I should have had a doula.

Would you take a class?

I was just gonna say.

Did you take a class?

Yeah, I took a class through the birth center.

And then I did not take a breastfeeding course.

And I wish I would have.

There's just a lot that I wish I would have differently.

But, you know, leading up to labor.

So on my due date, my water is released.

It was like 10 p.m.

Know that?

Yeah.

My water is released on my due date with your daughter.

It's weird.

Yeah.

On my due date, I like woke up.

It was like 10 or 10.30.

And I felt like a gush.

And you know, towards the end of pregnancy, there's just like, there's a lot of discharge happening.

There's things happening.

There's just things happening.

So I already had like a liner in my underwear at all times at that point.

So I went to the bathroom.

I was like, that was kind of weird.

And I put a new one in.

I went back to bed and then I felt a bigger gush.

And I went to sit back on the toilet and I could just hear dripping.

And so I called the middle.

I feel like, sounds like your water is released.

So like, just go back to bed.

And I was just, I was excited.

I was too excited to sleep really.

So I got like no sleep that night.

And then, cause I was just like waiting for labor to start and it didn't.

So they told me to call the next morning and I did.

And they're like, well, you can just hang out at home or if you want to come in and we can do some things, a little circuit to see if we can get labor going.

And I'm excited, of course.

So I'm like, let's do it.

So we went to the birth center and they had me take some herbs, which tasted like dirt flavored vodka.

It was great.

Yeah.

Just tastes like shots.

And then pumped for like 10 or 15 minutes.

And they had me walk sideways up and down the stairs with the birth center.

So we did a circuit of that for like a couple hours and nothing happened.

They're like, okay, we'll just go home.

So I have my like depends diaper on and we like went to HEB because they said if my labor hadn't started by 10 or 10.30 the next morning, which would have been the 36 hour mark, then I would have to take a castor oil shake.

So we went to HEB, got castor oil, got like vanilla ice cream or whatever to make the shake.

And then they said to take a sleeping pill and go to sleep that night.

And so at like eight, eight or eight 30, I took a Unisom tablet or whatever.

And my husband took a Unisom tablet.

Oh.

Which was a terrible.

So, labor started two hours later.

And I, there was no early labor.

It was straight into active labor.

I think I had maybe three contractions where I'm like, ooh, okay.

I think, I think labor's starting.

And then it was just straight.

Like I could, I could not sleep through them.

I was, during contractions, I would get up on my hands and knees on the bed and I'm like smacking my husband.

I'm like, wake up.

I'm like, Unisom tablet.

And he's like, just, just try to sleep.

I'm like, there's no sleeping.

So you need to time these contractions because they're intense and they were, they, I mean, it was straight and active labor.

So at that point it was like 10, 30, 11.

And we called the bed of life and she was listening while I was having contractions.

She was like, okay.

She's like, maybe we should just kind of start getting things together and come in.

And so we kind of started getting the car loaded up.

I was moving very slowly at that point because it was very intense.

And I peed right before we left and that was like midnight or so.

We got in the car.

My contractions were two minutes apart, really intense.

And my husband thought we were gonna have a car baby.

Sure.

Poor guy.

He was speeding.

Luckily, middle of the night, there were no cars on the road.

So he was speeding in a full blown panic.

And then when we got into the parking lot, the midwife came out, met me at the car.

I just like started crying.

And she's like helping me waddle into the birth center.

And I immediately got in the shower.

And I stayed in the shower, kind of thing.

So we got there at probably, well, 45.

And my daughter was born at 5:59 a.m.

So I was in the shower probably like two hours, three or three hours, a long time.

But it was great.

Once I got in there and reset, and I just wanted everyone to leave me alone, had all the lights off, I was really able to stay in my zone.

Contractions were fully manageable.

I was really comfortable.

And what I loved about the Midwives is they're very hands off.

They're like ghosts in the room, which is great.

That's really what I wanted.

They knew I had wanted a water birth.

And so just listening to my contraction pattern, at some point they came in and said, hey, we're going to fill the tub up.

And so in my mind, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm going to have my baby soon.

And then things shifted where, you know, contractions weren't so manageable at that point because then I'm like, I got in my head a lot.

So once the tub was filled, they got me in it.

And you're like, you know, if you feel like you need to push, go ahead and start pushing.

And so in my head I'm like, oh, I guess I should be.

And so then I was kind of forcing it instead of going with my body.

And then at one point they kind of realized that she wasn't coming down as quickly as they, I guess that she should have been.

And so they had me get out of the tub and lie sideways on the bed.

And she was asynclitic, which, you know, for people who don't understand, instead of coming down perfectly centered, she was kind of a little wonky.

A little bit wonky.

It can be a little tricky.

A little tricky.

A little tricky, yeah.

But you know, all in all, I think I only pushed active pushing an hour and a half, which is pretty good for an asynclitic baby.

So she was...

Do you think you were complete?

Did they check you before you pushed?

They never checked me, not once.

Not even when you got there.

Not even when I got there.

And did you...

Okay, so do you think when you started pushing, maybe you weren't complete?

Maybe.

Because you just felt like they said it, so maybe you were supposed to do it.

Well, I don't know, because she was like right there.

Like we could, when I would push, we could see, you know, there was, you know, parting.

Like they could tell she wasn't there.

And my husband got in the tub with me when I was in the tub.

And so that was...

He would.

That was really sweet.

So we have some good pictures of him like tickling my back in the tub.

It was really sweet.

But, you know, pushing was intense.

I, in my head, if I'm being honest here, I was like, just cut her out of me because it would be less painful than this.

Uh-huh.

And I, at that point, I was like, I wish I had a dually here.

I was doing great before that.

Like I, you know, I liked not being disturbed, but in those really intense moments, I wish I had had someone to talk me through that and talk me through the pushing process and, you know, help me stay in a good head space.

And my sweet husband, bless him, looked so concerned.

His face.

And I'm like, that's not helping.

Like, I mean, change your face because that is not what I need.

Change your face.

I'm good.

Just, you know, he looks so concerned.

It's hard for a partner to, even the most like prepared partner, even if you've had many babies together, watching your partner go through an intense experience like that, that is painful.

Like there's no way around that.

It's not a pleasant time, but watching them go through that, even when they're handling it, you know, like an absolute champ is hard.

It's hard to watch that.

And so I think that's where having a doula can come in handy even if, even if it's just me being like, stop making that face.

He needed a doula.

It's funny because I know that if you ever have another baby that even if you don't want me there that I'm showing up.

No, I'm just kidding.

But I'm there.

And it is interesting to think about how he would be next time because he does know a lot more this time, but still you're his wife and still that's his baby coming, you know?

And so it would be interesting to see how he did next time versus how he felt last time.

Because a dad can want to be a dadla or dude-la or whatever as much as they want to.

But when push comes to shove, that's the person that you love going through a trying time.

So it's funny that you noticed his face during that.

Like you open your eyes and you see like, uh-uh, put it out.

That was just the concern there.

I think he'll be so much more calm next time.

I mean, obviously I know much more now than I did then.

And then having just like that feminine energy.

That's what it is.

It's different.

It's different.

That's what it is.

And that's what I think a lot of partners that are male don't get, is that it's not that we're taking over.

It's that there's a knowingness deep within our bodies that connects with your body.

That it's like having someone else there that has been through it and understands every piece of it, even if they're not saying anything, even if your dual is not saying anything, like the knowingness that's there.

The feminine energy.

Yeah.

And some people that makes a huge difference.

So I do think that even, you're right, like those most intense moments, you didn't want to be really touched during the rest of the time, but just the knowingness that that person is there.

And I think that a lot of people don't realize that that is a big part of it.

Yeah.

I definitely needed that extra support during pushing, because you know the midwives are doing their job.

They're focusing on, is baby coming down okay?

Like they're not even really paying attention to what I needed, verbally and emotionally at that point.

So she was delivered.

She was amazing.

She came out so calm.

Like of course, she's such a calm kid in general.

So she was delivered that way.

She was just eyes wide open, so calm.

And I'll say it took me a minute to come back into my body.

It was so intense, pushing was so intense.

Like it was a lot to have to kind of come back into the room.

And then things got a little intense after that.

So I opted out of the Pitocin shot that they gave you in the birth center.

And my bleeding kind of started to pick up a little bit.

So they ended up giving me the shot once they noticed that.

And then I had to get an IV of Pitocin because my bleeding still wouldn't stop.

And then they put something else in there and I can't remember what it was.

Yes.

Maybe TXA.

Yes, that sounds right, yeah.

So they put that in there too and my bleeding was just not gonna stop and my placenta was not coming out.

So they called for an ambulance and so I had to transfer, which was really hard because I had to leave my daughter at the birth center because she still had to do all of her stuff.

And so my husband stayed back with her and the midwife went with me to the hospital.

So having to be separated from her pretty much right away, I didn't even really get like a good look at her face.

Everything had happened so quickly.

And so apparently I was just like sheet white, but I felt okay.

And so once we got there to the hospital, the one annoying thing that happened, they immediately shoved a stick up my nose to test me for COVID.

I'm like, oh yeah, we're gonna do that?

So they did that first.

I'm so glad that that was most important.

And so got into the room and the midwife at the birth center did try to do a manual removal, I think, like she kind of tried to stick her arm in and I just like screamed.

And so they're like, okay, let's transfer.

And so I knew that that's what was gonna happen.

So the OB came in and I'm like, you're gonna stick your arm up, aren't you?

She goes, yeah.

And without even like take some breaths with me or anything, she just full blown, no meds, nothing, stuck her arm in and scooped my placenta out.

Yeah, it was 10 times worse than labor.

Let me tell you that.

I mean, I was like screaming like exorcism style on the bed, like back arched and there's like, no.

And you had a doula, they would have been with you.

And they could have been like, let's take a second, let's do some deep breath, you know.

Or can we get her some nitrous or something?

Help me prepare instead of just like, the doctor's like, yep, and just does it.

Like not even a warning.

And man, I just felt like no one was looking at me.

You know what I mean?

Like there was like the OB and these two nurses and they're just focused on my vagina essentially and like not even seeing me as a person.

And so that happened and I'm like, it was just so done at that point.

Yeah.

And I ended up with two blood transfusions.

So lost a good amount of blood.

But all of that to say after everything kind of calmed down and the nurse was in there with me and she goes, when was the last time you peed?

And I'm like, I don't know.

And then I thought back and like, I think midnight when I left to go to the birth center.

And at that point it was 6.30, 6:45 a.m.

And so I had been drinking water constantly throughout labor, but I never peed.

And so my bladder was extremely full.

I couldn't get up out of bed because I was so woozy from the blood loss.

And so I had to pee in the bed pan and I filled the entire thing up.

And she was like, ooh, she was like, you did have to pee.

So this, it wasn't a catheter.

You just let you pee.

I just, yeah, they let me pee, yeah.

They tried to like, they're like, can you sit up?

And so I tried to sit up in the bed.

I was like, not, not even, not a chance.

And so she just stuck the bed pan under.

So, you know, speaking with multiple, you know, midwives, an OB, whatever, like pretty much confirmed.

That's why I had a retained placenta was because my bladder was so full that it's good.

The bladder is too full.

You know, your uterus can't contract.

It can't, yeah.

It can't like it would normally.

It's in the way.

So there was no contraction happening to help close everything off and release the placenta.

So now I know, you know, peeing is important in labor.

No one told me to pee.

And I'm going to say just from like a childbirth ed position here, if you're listening to this podcast and you're like, I am pregnant and I have to pee 10 times a night, how you about to say that you don't remember to pee in labor?

Like, didn't you feel like you needed to pee?

The sensations of labor are strong and different and they dull other sensations.

So if you're having the sensation of labor and you're not realizing that you need to pee and nobody tells you, hey, let's try to empty your bladder for a sec, then you don't think about it.

And then, oh wait, now you've had a baby and you hadn't peed in six hours.

And I think people, partners specifically in our classes, they look at me like I'm crazy when I say one of your jobs in early labor is hydration, making sure that she pees frequently, nourishment.

And they're like, pee frequently.

Yeah, every one to two hours just to remind her, like, I'm not gonna have to remind her.

Yeah.

So this is a great example of why we want to make somebody pee every couple of hours or encourage them to, I shouldn't say make them.

Yeah, and maybe my contractions wouldn't have been so intense towards the end there, you know, because my bladder was so full.

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So, after a couple hours, my husband brought our daughter to the hospital, met me there, and she would not latch.

So that was great.

So your husband and your baby came to the hospital, he drove the baby to the hospital, they came to be with you.

Yes, yeah, they came to be with me at the hospital.

They suggested I stay overnight.

So we're like, yeah, that's fine.

So they moved us to a postpartum room.

Luckily, I had pumped colostrum from the day before when we got the first.

Oh, from all of the trying to go into labor?

Yeah, it was a pretty good amount.

So I had that that I could give her, but she just would not latch.

She would not latch.

She had a pretty bad tongue time.

And another regret, I wish I would have called the pediatric dentist and had that checked out the day we left the hospital because we could have fixed that.

And because then it was just breastfeeding was doomed because I did not know about paste bottle feeding.

So I didn't get her tongue tie fixed until day five.

And so she was used to the bottle at that point and pumping, I wasn't pumping very much because I, like I said, did not take a breastfeeding class.

I didn't know you had to be sized for your flange.

Oh yeah.

So I was using the one that came with the pump, which was way too big.

And so, you know, I wasn't getting much milk.

I ended up with mastitis on like day three.

So, oh man, it was awful.

Yeah, I had, I mean, just like giant red patch on my breast and I could just, I could not get the lump out.

It took forever.

I think that was because she wasn't latching and then the pump wasn't effectively empty.

Yeah, she wasn't latching.

My pump was not working because the flange size was not right.

It was just a whole.

So many people don't know that.

And I feel like even at the hospitals, they don't always know.

I mean, honestly, I don't think labor and delivery nurses know that at all.

Like there's lactation consultants in hospitals that might, but labor and delivery nurses, that's not like in their wheelhouse.

And really why, I mean, why would you know that unless you've been given like specific training?

You would think that when they send you the pumps that they would have like average sizing, but in reality, most of the time when they send you pumps, they're sending you flanges that are like really large.

And most people do not have nipples that are that large.

It's really funny.

This is totally kind of up top, well on topic, but not a birth story.

It's funny because as a doula, now I see nipples all the time, right?

But you only see what you have originally.

And then when you start seeing other people's nipples, you're like, oh my gosh, there are so many variations.

Like zero judgment, just like, of course they have a million different sizes of phalanges.

And of course like my nipples would not fit into the one that some of the moms that I see use or vice versa.

Like mine would need to be bigger than their nipples are so much smaller.

And they change throughout your breastfeeding journey.

You need to be resized.

Oh, if you have not listened to our episode with Rue the Boo Boss, I think that episode is called Boobing Out Loud.

She talks a little bit about that in there, about how you need to resize and like when to check your sizing.

So go listen to that episode if you haven't already.

So yeah, really just the postpartum experience was not ideal.

My husband had to work from home pretty much immediately.

So I'm like solo doing most of the stuff.

I did not lay down and rest like I should have been.

I was, I mean, the day we got home, I started vacuuming.

Like, what am I doing?

And were you pretty sore from the placenta extraction thing?

Yeah, I was pretty sore.

And then I can't remember what day it was.

I guess it was around day five.

I went to pee and I felt something when I went to wipe.

And I was like, what is that?

So I called my husband.

I'm like, what's happening down there?

He looks, he goes, I'm going to be right back.

But it's, oh, stir.

Oh, so encouraging.

That's great.

What's happening down there?

And he goes, so we came back a few minutes later.

Cause I guess he went to get his phone to like Google.

And he was like, I think you have a prolapse.

Oh, Jesus, Murphy.

And so sure enough, I got evaluated.

Well, first I went, I made an appointment with the OB and she's like, it'll just go away.

I'm like, which it does sometimes.

Which I mean it could, but like, let's not just dismiss your concern.

They're like, okay, how about like a pelvic floor PT?

And she's like, sure, I can do the referral.

So it was a grade two bladder prolapse.

I was going to say your bladder being so full and pushing against that.

That could be why it took a minute to get, to be able to push.

So pushing against that and then having that full bladder.

And why she was asymptotic too, honestly, if the bladder's pushing up against her head.

Just all of it, you know.

Oh friend.

So yeah, grade two bladder prolapse, really bad anxiety, postpartum, because I didn't allow myself the time to rest and I was stressed out about pumping and I had to like pump constantly that I felt like I wasn't bonding with my baby, who I also was not even with the first few hours of birth.

So even when I first got her, I'm like, is this even my baby?

So it took a second to like connect with her and I just, I was, I was a mess.

The whole thing was a mess.

And her baby looks just like her husband.

And so then she was like, oh yeah, it is my baby.

Question for you.

I don't know if you already said this.

I don't think you did.

How long were you in the hospital before you got to go home?

Just one night.

Then they let the baby stay with you and all of that.

Yeah, she stayed with us the whole time.

I mean, that was fine.

Another thing that was a little frustrating was that the midwife told me that it was fine if we didn't get her to latch because the first 24 hours isn't that big of a deal because they don't really need.

We're all screaming inside currently.

So it's like the most important thing sometimes they stay.

The reason why it's so important, I said myth busting with Sam, the reason why it's so important is because the midwife's right, the baby doesn't necessarily need that much.

Their tummies are so tiny, but if the breast does not have stimulation, as soon as that placenta is out, but that's when the clock starts, by the way, is when the placenta is out because that's when your body starts producing those high levels of prolactin to bring in your milk supply.

But if we don't take advantage of those high levels right there at that delivery, then it's actually limiting the amount of milk you can make after that.

Yeah, and I think that a lot of times they say that to make the parents not freak out that the baby's not getting enough.

And they'll be like, we just need one good feed in the first 24 hours.

But they need to say, and let's keep latching every two to three hours because we want to make sure your body is still producing.

Even if the baby doesn't need it, let's keep trying.

But a lot of times they're just trying to make you feel better, which is nice.

Yes, we don't want you to sit there and panic about food for your baby, but it's still so important.

It's not just about what's going in the baby's belly.

We just need that stimulation.

Even if it's a comeback to a super great feed, we just need the stimulation.

So overall, postpartum was just not great.

I ended up stopping pumping, I think at like five weeks or so, because I'm not getting anything.

I was getting like half an ounce from both sides total.

I mean, it was just nothing, because there was nothing, no outputs in my breasts.

So I just kind of stopped making it.

And then the whole mastitis thing, it was just, all of it was pretty bad.

But yeah.

And then I was like, I one, should have had a doula.

Like I said, my husband was great support otherwise throughout birth.

I mean, it was a beautiful experience with him, but yeah, I wish I had had a doula.

And then I was like, I need to do this for other women.

I need to support other women through this because now I see how important it is, not even just through birth, but postpartum.

And all of the advice I could have gotten, everything could have been different.

My recovery would have been so different.

Maybe my breastfeeding would have been different and I could have breastfed her.

It's like impossible when you just don't know what you don't know.

And it's funny how so many of us end up getting into this work because of something we were lacking when we were going through this process of having our own babies.

And I had a doula, but I was my second one, but I still didn't get what I needed from her emotionally.

And I honestly felt like I was bugging her when I would reach out.

And so it's like, that was my piece that was missing is even though I had one, I didn't really feel that connection with her.

And so that sucked.

Luckily my husband's like super comforting, but he didn't, and she just did like the hip squeezes and the lower counter pressure.

So I bought all of the pieces, but I still felt like that could have been better.

And then we use that going into our work.

So it's also funny how it colors us, our personal experience.

My personal experience is also postpartum hemorrhage.

Yours also is the bladder thing.

So like you for sure never forget to have somebody pee.

You just never know, you just never know.

I had a really similar experience.

It's interesting to hear your story because mine was very similar.

I had, she was asynclitic and all of that stuff.

My bladder was really full.

I had extra bleeding, but they did drain my bladder.

I wasn't able to go, but they drained my bladder and then everything was fine after that.

So it's just interesting to hear the two different sides to it.

And also it was my second baby.

I can't remember.

I did, I did.

But it was my second baby.

So pushing with her was a lot easier because the way is already made.

It didn't really matter that my bladder was full.

My body was like, oh, I don't care, go.

Sure, I smell the baby.

And you put in a fairly fast labor for a third time.

Eight hours total, which was great.

Yeah, and I feel like that happens more often than not when the waters release on their own and waves don't begin.

A lot of places force it and we do Pitocin and all of these things to get labor going.

And then, but if we would just wait until our waves kick in naturally, I feel like the times that we wait and it does kick in naturally, it's pretty fast once it happens.

It was right at 24 hours.

24 hour mark is right when I had my first contractions.

Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.

But yeah, now I'm a doula and I get to prevent all of these things from happening with my clients.

And yeah, I just love what I do.

But I'll definitely do things differently next time around.

You know, we have one good embryo left.

It's a boy.

So whenever we do decide to transfer that one, then it's gonna be a home birth.

There will be no car ride happening.

And then, you know, now I know I'm gonna be peeing.

I'm gonna make, you know, Ciarra and my husband, make sure I pee like every hour.

And then, yeah, that's, everything's gonna be different.

I'm gonna do, you know, the whole lay in bed, the whole 40 day healing process that needs to happen is what I'm gonna do.

I mean, just gonna do everything differently.

What's funny is you had a very good birth.

I had a great birth.

And you still have things you'll do differently.

Yes.

And I think that's important for people to see.

Like, you know, some people have, what we might see in our heads is like an awesome birth into them, it's traumatic.

Or we might think, oh my God, that was awful.

And they're happy.

Right.

You know?

And so we can't ever really put our feelings on other people's births because we don't wanna change their interpretation of their story.

But someone else will look at your story and be like, shoot, you had a 10 hour birth, that's awesome.

Like, you still got to have a birth center birth.

Sucks that you transferred, but like great experience.

And you're like, yeah, but I still wanted it different.

And so I think that that's important for us to realize is no matter what our interpretation of it is, everyone's own story sits definitely within their body.

So if you were to leave people with one piece of advice besides going pee, what would it be?

That's it.

That's it, go pee.

Get a doula.

And really, I love that you kind of added that piece about the emotional connection because when I do interview with people, that's kind of what I leave them with.

If they have other interviews lined up, I'm like, at the end of the day, you need to pick the doula that you have a connection with.

Because that's one of the most important pieces.

We all have essentially the same training in terms of comfort measures and things that we'll do, but the emotional connection, are you going to want that person, that energy, that personality in your birth space?

Do you feel connected to them?

At the end of the day, that's the person you want to go with.

I think that it's funny because we all three are birth workers and can say, even if someone feels connected to us, they may not feel connected to them.

That's nothing against them either.

It's just we wouldn't be able to show up in the way that we think that they need.

We can see, I call it like chest moves, we can kind of see five moves ahead because of what we do.

We can know that in that time, we may not be the best person for that person.

I think that that's probably what happened with my doula, is I thought she was great.

She checked the boxes of what I needed her to be, but I didn't really think about the emotional piece.

I just thought if I want to have an unmedicated birth out of hospital and I think she can get me there, but I didn't really think about emotionally.

She was already checked out.

I think that she was in the position of, this was her last birth that she was taking before she took a hiatus.

And I should have thought more about would she be able to give me what I needed emotionally?

And I didn't even know that was a thing.

And she didn't check in with herself to go, am I really in a space where I can provide what she needs?

So learning from all of those aspects and for people listening that are wanting a doula, knowing that if like your doula says, I don't think that I'm the one for you, it really isn't anything about you.

It's that we see those five moves ahead and know if we're going to be able to give you what you need.

Yeah, it's a big piece.

It's a big piece.

Well, thank you so much for joining us, Courtney.

I think this is really awesome information about just self-advocacy and IVF and all these different things that we really never stop learning about.

I mean, truly there's no end to that learning process.

I heard some new acronyms here today that I didn't know before.

I know, it's awesome.

But thanks so much for joining us.

We'd love to have you on again soon.

And if you want to learn more about Courtney, go check out the Empowered website to learn about her birth services and all the other awesome things that she does.

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